Blowout?

Think about a tire.  A flat tire on a car.  The car will never be able to move and go forward until that tire is changed.  If the car just sits there, eventually it will fall apart and it will be of no use.   
Also, in order for that tire to be changed you have to have the right tools to change it. 

In active addiction I remember this girl Lisa and I had to pull over at a store because we had a flat.  
Thank God she knew how to change it and thank God she had the tools and a spare in the back.  
I remember her turning and gritting her teeth saying "Just turn back".  During this moment I had a frantic panic in my mind.  Instantly, I felt as if something very strange was happening and that someone, something was trying to tell me something.  I remember thinking to myself "Turn back to what?!  What do I turn back to?" 
Confusion and fear controlled my mind and I wasn't even able to really speak or be of any help.  I just sat there watching her and didn't know what to do because not only did I have no idea how to change a tire but I also had no idea what was going on with me internally.

When she tried to use the jack to get the car to go up she couldn't do it.  She even tried standing on the jack and putting all her weight on it but wasn't successful.  So we got the idea that we both would stand on it.  Finally, I was able to be of some help instead of just standing there looking stupid!  She would stand on the jack and I would stand on her boots,  I would put my arms around her and hold her and jump.  Then vice versa.  This strategic move worked and we got the car to lift up.

Sometimes we are just like that tire.  We need to turn back.  Turn back to God.  Turn back to the program, Narcotics Anonymous.  Turn back to the steps. 

In the pamphlet "The Triangle of Self-Obsession, I read,  "In Narcotics Anonymous we are given a new way of life and a new set of tools. These are the Twelve Steps, and we work them to the best of our ability." 

For me, I was trying to do recovery on my own.  I was trying to walk with God on my own.  But God is about unity and about relationships.  

Without realizing it, I was being ignorant to this fact.  I was going around carrying a toolbox trying to fix things.  I had some knowledge but the problem was that I wasn't using the right tools the right way and resources.  I had some tools but not the exact ones I needed. I had access to the right tools but was not accessing them.  I wasn't using the resources that were so readily available to me.  I was missing Narcotics Anonymous and the Twelve Steps. 

But see, having tools is still not enough.  Lisa had the tools and the knowledge to change the tire, but still wasn't successful in changing the tire.  She needed me to help accomplish what needed to be done in order for the car to be able go anywhere.  

The Twelve Steps are the tools to my recovery, but just like with Lisa and the tire though, the tools alone are not sufficient.  I need the rooms so that I can build and have relationships with other people to work together with me during my recovery.  They help lift me up, just as Lisa and I worked together to get the car lifted up and the tire changed so that the car would be able to move forward and get us where we were going!

I had some tools in my toolbox and I had knowledge of my Higher Power but I lacked that extra support which is in relationships.  I needed another human being to work the steps with.  I need other people to help me accomplish what needs to be done in my recovery to help me move forward in life. 

If my tire blows out, they can help me change it. 

Nothing changes if nothing changes...

i